Sunday, December 20, 2009

Institute of Cranial Rectumitus (ICR)

From the Institute of Cranial Rectumitus (ICR)

“Cranial Rectumitus is a commonly mis-diagnosed disease that afflicts millions of people each year. Where many people are written off as being assholes, jerks or fuckwuds, they actually suffer from a medical condition.

This affliction can result in terminal asinine behavior, or the insertion or ones head in ones rectum, causing a complete termination of higher level brain activity. “


1. Denial

2. Fecal matter spewing from mouth, usually not visible, yet quite audible, sometimes olfactory in nature

3. Acting in an inappropriate manner, usually oblivious to ones position and current situation

4. Assuming one is an expert in a field, situation or condition despite their actual experience, knowledge, training or proximity to the situation

5. False Belief that they are on a higher level (in relation to God) then all other humans who have ever walked the planet. (Including Jesus, as suffers believe they are not the next coming, rather Jesus 2.0 aka the Upgraded model)


1. Pathogenic organism initiating from the brain due to gaseous build up in ones intestinal track. Such gas build up promotes an inflated sense of self worth and euphoric condition that the patient feels all others are somewhat beneath them. Such feeling is exaggerated by the build – up of intestinal gas.

2. This creates a pseudo physiological connection between the brain and anus resulting in the condition known as Cranial Rectumitus.

3. Where a very thin membrane forms connecting the brain to the rectum.


1. Application of B.S.T. applied to the base of the patients skull. This technique is commonly referred to as “Blunt Strike Technique” in the medical community, however to laymen, witch doctors, midwifes and auto mechanics it is more commonly referenced to as the “Bitch Slap Technique”. Regular and frequent application of said technique can shock the brain into coming online and cause a temporary release of intestinal gas and a separation of the rectum from the brain

2. Electroshock Therapy. Though little is known about the success of this technique, however it is a lot of fun when applying it to patients who suffer from Cranial Rectumitus (CR). Such applications result in a temporary relief to those exposed to suffers of CR.

3. Isolation, When suffering from a terminal case of CR, the only remedy is separation from the normal population. As little is understood about the contagiousness of CR, it has been demonstrated that it can be contagious.

1 comment:

Josh said...

Nice. This needs to be on Wikipedia.